Lies and deceit kills the soul
How could I have
been so stupid as to fall for that? How
come they believe such obvious lies?
What happened that we didn’t see that it was a con? Have you found yourself or anyone saying this?
There are emotionally
manipulative people of varying degrees all around us. Whilst growing up
you might think that you are immune to psychological manipulation that other
people fall into. Can never happen to
you, right? But part of truly maturing as an individual involves
understanding how you also are led by the environment, influenced by others,
and driven by the needs you have as a human being.
Human beings can be
manipulated precisely because we share innate psychological characteristics
that render us ALL susceptible, to a point. Although, like any other
weakness, some people are naturally more prone to succumb, while others have
higher levels of immunity to the external pressures that can make us do things
we would normally never think of doing.
But assuming that
we are already “immune” is naive and the surest path to being a victim of
manipulation.
Basic Human Needs
We all have innate
human needs. If your fundamental psychological needs as a human being are
not being adequately met, then, unless you understand precisely what’s
happening and respond appropriately, you will be motivated to latch on to any
source that appears to satisfy these needs.
Some of your basic
human needs include:
·
The security of a safe
environment in which to grow.
·
A sense of autonomy and control
of your life.
·
A sense of self-worth earned
through creative problem solving and the achievement of personal goals.
- Being a part of a broader, likeminded community
·
A sense of status within social
groupings (which includes feeling important or respected in some way).
·
Being emotionally connected to
certain people (family, friends, etc.).
·
Meaning and purpose arising from
being able to make a difference.
If any of these
basic needs are not sufficiently met in your life, you will feel inexplicably
attracted to anyone or anything that promises to supply what is lacking.
The awareness that this is happening can save you an incredible amount of
trouble.
Most times the
gullible people are disgruntled people who were not leading satisfying lives or
meeting their basic needs in healthy ways. People facing uncertain times
or uncertain futures, people with low self-esteem and negative self-images, and
so forth. The cult leader will hold out the promise of certainty, social
acceptance, community, self-respect, purpose and greater gift.
Universal Applicability and Susceptibility
If your needs are not
being adequately met in a healthy way, and someone or something comes along
that promises to supply all of your needs in one convenient package, then that
can seem pretty irresistible. (Happens in affairs)
Rational Justifications for Irrational Behavior
We all need some
level of quality attention and strive to meet that need in various ways, but
our thirst for it can blind us to the demonic aspects of the person (or entity)
that’s tempting us. Our emotional drive
is so powerful that it will enlist the help of the conscious mind to invent
compelling, logical arguments to support what we feel compelled to do.
There was a study
by famous social psychologist Robert Cialdini which identified a set of
principles which he called the “weapons of influence”:
- Reciprocation – “But they’ve done so much for me!” When you feel
indebted to someone, then the law of reciprocation is influencing
you. If someone constantly reminds you how much they are doing or
have done for you, they are being manipulative. It runs all the way from
free samples in product marketing/advertising to someone doing an unrequested
favor for you just so they can ask you for a favor in return – the aim is to
make you feel obligated to reciprocate.
- Commitment
and consistency – If people publicly commit
verbally or in writing to an idea or goal, they are more likely to honor that
commitment. We like to appear consistent and dependable to both ourselves
and others (think of the disapproval heaped upon politicians who change their
minds). To suddenly stop following orders or abandon once-deeply-held
beliefs can simply feel impossible to many, even in the face of mounting
evidence that disproves the belief.
- Social proof – People will do things they see other people doing.
Period. “A thousand other people can’t be wrong, right?” or “If
everyone else is doing it then it must be OK.” This kind of thinking is
how people get swayed into being “fashion victims” as well as “cult
victims.”
- Authority –
People will tend to obey authority figures, even if they are asked to perform
unjust acts. Authority figures come in many different flavors and facades.
- Likability –
People are more easily persuaded and manipulated by other people whom they
like. But likable people might not do very likable things and that’s the
problem.
- Scarcity -
If something seems scarce, demand for it will increase. “Limited time
offer” or “while supplies last” or “only for the first 100 buyers” are all ways
that the scarcity principle is used in marketing. In manipulative
relationships it may be used like this: “You will never meet anyone else like
me!” It’s subtle, but the implication is that I am rare, and therefore
more valuable to you.
4 Smart Ways to Protect Yourself
To protect yourself
from the more excessive and evil manipulations of organizations and
individuals, you need to:
1. Be aware that extreme “promise of gain” and “threat of loss” are
basic universal tools for manipulating belief and behavior.
2. Understand that if your basic emotional and physical needs are not
adequately met, you become more vulnerable to being manipulated by anyone
willing to exploit this gap. Just understanding this can help immunize
you against becoming a victim.
3. Observe how Cialdini’s “weapons of influence” operate in everyday
life (often in benign ways) and how they are indirectly linked to basic human
needs.
4. Stay calm. Breathe. A calm mind can perceive the world
much more clearly and objectively.
The bottom line is
that there are manipulative people in this world that will try to mess with
your mind, but you can defend yourself. It’s about arming yourself with
awareness.
CHOOSE to be
in control of your own self:
...Stand
Strong.
...Stay Inspired.
...Live by
choice, not by chance.
...Make changes, not excuses.
...Be motivated, not
manipulated.
...Work to excel, not compete.
...Choose to listen to your
inner voice, not the jumbled opinions of other.
Are you struggling
with a manipulative relationship situation of any kind? What way have people
tried to manipulate you? When
and how did you realize this? What did you do about it?
Write and share
your thoughts and insights.
